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Can You Fall In Love Without Ever Touching?

So for those of you who haven’t had your hearts ripped out by the movie Five Feet Apart, first off, how the heck have you not? And second, go see it right now! Right now!

Ok, glad we got through that. Now, without giving up any spoilers, this book raises an interesting question and viewpoint, one that I’ve actually had people ask me, and one that I’ve wondered myself. Is it possible to fall in love without ever touching? Without ever kissing or being able to hold hands or do anything other than just talk? So for me, I think yes, but this is a view that I’ve had people challenge me on. So what do you think?

To me, it seems like a no-brainer. Some people think of love as this thing that needs intimacy, that needs hand holding and kissing, and being near one another, but I’ve never thought that was necessary to love. Now, in this case, we are strictly speaking romantic love, and not platonic love. I mean, think about it, you tell your friends you love them, and you haven’t needed to hold their hands or spend the night with them (at least, I hope not, because if so, buddy, you’re not really in what I’d call a friend area). The same can be said for romantic love. The love that we all hope to find one day, it’s a soul to soul connection. It’s not something that happens because you two held hands and made out at a bar. It’s something that happens because you bonded over reading a certain novel that made both of you think. It happens because of a chance encounter that allowed you to show a stranger your true colors, and they accepted you for what you were. Sure, touch and that intimacy is necessary to build upon a relationship, and as a great way to share how you feel with that special someone. But it’s not necessary for love, and it’s certainly not necessary to fall in love.

While love at first sight may be a bit far fetched, I mean, I’m romantic, but I’m practical too, I do think that there are certain souls that are meant to be. Maybe not forever, or maybe not in that timing, but that doesn’t mean that connection isn’t there. In some cases, it may take a few conversations to uncover it, and while I know so many people think there needs to be that physical connection to help, I disagree. That physical connection should only strengthen what’s already there. To me, there are several forms of intimacy, aside from the physical. There’s the intimacy of speaking to someone at 2 in the morning, when you both are getting groggy after a long day, and you’ve been talking for hours, and sleep isn’t even important anymore, and you are being completely honest with that person and yourself, because you are just too tired to not. Intimacy is long looks across the room, reading that connection into every look. It’s those conversations you have with just your eyes, the ones that no words are needed. It’s those little moments, where you just look over at that special someone, and you just have that wonderful feeling that they’re absolutely perfect. That’s intimacy. And in my opinion, you can have that, without ever touching. You can have that being in different cities, and you can definitely fall in love without even meeting in person.

When you think of falling in love, you might think of some gorgeous guy, or girl, sweeping you off your feet, and you two live happily ever after. And that’s great, that’s what fairy tales are based on. But what about meeting someone who gets you and your little quirks? Who talks about you in their future, even though you are in different cities? What about building that friendship, knowing that someone isn’t perfect, and not caring? What about that perfect moment where you are smiling down at your phone like a total idiot, without even realizing it, because they just make you that happy? Some will argue that you can’t fall in love without that physical touch. But to me, that’s not true. You fall in love with someone’s soul, with their spirit and their personality. Not because you were able to hold hands or you had an awkward first kiss at the end of a date. Sure, those things may be a way to show affection, but true love, you don’t need that. You definitely want it, don’t get me wrong, but to fall in love, to truly fall in love, maybe we need to take away that. Take away the physical proximity. Do you miss that person when they aren’t there or were they just someone hot to spend time with? Are you at a point where you desperately want to see them in person, but are completely content just talking to them for hours? Because to me, that makes all the difference.

Psychology says that the difference in love and lust lies in the time. If you only have feelings for four months, it’s lust. Anything that lasts longer than that is love. They may be right, but society seems to rush into things so much that sometimes I think the two get easily confused, especially when the physical is such a huge aspect. If you’re not sure if you’re in love or lust, maybe try taking a step back, literally, and seeing the person for who they are. Just another person, without the added physical stuff. It may just make all the difference.

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Best Ways to Get Over Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of the best and worst things in life. You may be wondering, how is it one of the best? In most people’s experiences, heartbreak absolutely sucks, and there’s not much good in it. But, that’s just because you’re only looking at one side of it. Think of some of the most powerful songs you know, some of the most heart-wrenching books you’ve read, some of the strongest people you know. They are all products of heartbreak, showing that something beautiful can come from something so painful and awful, that some people never even put their hearts out there to begin with. If you are one who is still putting their heart out there, good for you! It’s tough, and it can be especially tough to figure out how to try again when you’re heartbroken. Luckily, I’ve compiled some of the best ways to get over heartbreak, so you can get back out there, and turn your pain into something beautiful.

Since it’s not likely we are all master songwriters, though I really wish I was, you may have to use a different method to get over your heartbreak. So here’s some of my favorites, tried and true, ways to get over heartbreak.

  • Write a letter. Write a letter to your ex, and let everything out. If you dumped him, but are feeling upset about it, if he dumped you, let out all the feelings, let out the anger, the sadness, hold nothing back. And then, throw that letter away. Don’t mail it, don’t send it to your friends, don’t do anything like that. Just get the feelings out, and then throw it away. Yeah, it can be tempting to mail it to him and try to create some perfect ending where he realized he was wrong, but just don’t. Your life isn’t a rom-com, even though we all wish ours was some times.
  • Eat some cookie dough and cry. I know, I know, the raw egg, trust me, when heartbreak has got you down, it’s worth the risk. There is nothing like pulling a tub of cookie dough close, and crying your eyes out. Just know the pain won’t go on forever, and don’t lean on the cookie dough too much. A bit of it is nice, but too much can be dangerous.
  • Write a poem. If you are gifted, write a poem. I used to do this in high school, and somewhere in my little notebook that holds them, I’d put the initials of the guy who it was about. Now, some I have no need to look for the initials, I still remember, but others, it’s quite entertaining to look at and have a rush of memories come flooding back. But this, like writing a letter, can be so cathartic in getting those feelings out, and helping you to come to terms and find that closure.
  • Go out dancing. Hurting and/or angry with a guy? Go out dancing! Line dancing is my go-to for pretty much everything, and it helps with heartbreak too. You know what helps even more? Accidentally running into a cute guy on the dance floor that you then wind up spending the rest of the night chatting with. That’s a good confidence booster 🙂
  • Movie night. Gather up your friends, but don’t put in some romantic movie that’ll make you cry. No, go for a comedy, something that will lighten up your mood, and get you laughing. Nothing helps a bad mood like a good dose of laughter.
  • Plan a getaway. The best way to get over someone is to get away from them. So plan a trip, take a vacation, and just get away from everything. Yeah, they may still be in your life when you get back, but hey, you got a great vacation out of it.
  • Go for a run. This is another one of my favorite go-to’s. Running, or even just walking outside, allows me to clear my head. So when I got dumped via text in college, I went for a run. When I was getting mixed signals from a guy I liked, I hit the nature trails. It’ll help clear your head, and give you those endorphins. Because, as we know, exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy… 🙂
  • Feel the pain. This one is huge, even if you take on another way to do it, this is necessary. Let yourself feel the pain, recognize those feelings, and accept that they were real. Even if he didn’t feel the same, or things ended badly, let yourself remember the good stuff and feel the pain. It sounds counterintuitive, but I promise, it’s necessary to fully healing. The best part is, you’ll wake up one day, and the pain will be gone.
  • Forgive. Don’t do it for him. Heck no, he’s not worth it. But you are. So forgive him for you and for your health. Recognize that even without an apology, if you want to move on with your life, you need to forgive him.
  • Recognize how much better you are without him. Maybe you’re still hoping that in 5 years, fate or destiny will bring the two of you back together, hello rom com, and that’s fine, but during this period, allow yourself to grow. I’m a firm believer that God puts people in our lives and takes them away when either we need to grow from them or they’ve fulfilled their purpose in our lives. So, recognize that while he may have seemed like the greatest thing, he wasn’t. At least, not for where you are going. Maybe he is great, and maybe he is one of the nicest guys, that’s good to recognize. But that doesn’t mean he was right for you. It means he was right at that moment, and now that moment has passed. Recognize that you have not decreased in value, that you still deserve something great. Again, maybe he is great, but not the great that you deserve.

Unfortunately, there is no timetable on how long the heartbreak will last. But you know what, take this time and focus on yourself, focus on your friends, your family, on God. Focus on what’s important, and distract yourself from it. Don’t spend the time wallowing, get out there and have a new adventure, try a new restaurant, and find a new layer to yourself. It’s better time spent than stalking his FB page.

The Truth About Divorce

*This is a sponsored post*

Hey y’all. Time to get really serious here for a minute. How many of you come from divorced families? I’m one of them, my parents divorced when I was in my teens, and they separated for a bit before that. I think anyone who has divorced parents can generally say it isn’t fun. Sure, all those self-help books will focus on all the positives about divorce (i.e. two Christmases, two birthdays, more one-on-one time with a parent, etc.) but it’s definitely not all fun and games. Now, don’t get me wrong, I never wanted my parents to get back together, at least not after the initial shock and change got out of my system. My parents are better off not being together, that’s just how it is. However, that doesn’t mean that divorce is a fun process.

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Because of my age when my parents divorced, I knew a little bit more about the process than I would have if I were say, a little kid. One of the big things I noticed about the divorce was that it took a lot of time. Both of my parents had different lawyers, obviously, and with that, they had different meetings they had to take, not to mention the time spent together in mediation, with their lawyers, and then the time spent in court finalizing the actual divorce. It takes a lot of time, and it meant some late nights and afternoons, when both of them were busy in meetings or getting information or whatever homework their lawyers had given them. It always seemed to me like it would be so much easier for them if their lawyers had been more flexible with meeting. I certainly was busy in high school between my college classes, tennis, school musical, and other clubs, and before I was 16, I didn’t always have a ride to those events. It would have been nice if my driver, aka parent, hadn’t always been stuck in a different part of town in a lawyer meeting.

While I certainly can’t tell you who to choose as your divorce lawyer, if you are choosing something like that, I can tell you about one who really seems to want to make this process easier on you. It’s hard as a kid to see your parents separate. I can’t imagine actually being the one who has to separate from my spouse of x amount of years (don’t forget, hopeless romantic here, I want to be married once, and that’s it, forever and ever till death do us part). Luckily, so many lawyers seem to understand just how difficult this process is and do what they can to make it easier on their clients. Take Judy-Ann Smith Law Firm, P.A., for example, she’s based in Jacksonville, FL., but has clients all over the state. Do you know how she does it? Her firm offers Skype meetings, video conferencing, and they even have a client portal. I know things weren’t as popular tech-wise when my parents got divorced, but that seems much easier to me than having to drive to the lawyers office, taking time off of work or away from your family, to then drive home and resume the hectic life that is literally everyone’s. Even if you don’t have kids, Skyping your lawyer from the comfort of your own home is definitely more appealing than going into a law office. Not only that, they also offer flexible payment options. I didn’t have insight into all the financial stuff behind divorce, but I do know it is expensive. Lawyers are necessary in some cases, but definitely not the cheapest things around, so it’s always nice when they have flexible payment plans, to help those out who were not necessarily financially prepared for such a change in their lives. Let’s be honest, no one prepares and plans for a divorce. But the most important thing this law firm offers is communication. They stay connected, even after their work with you is done and you are no longer a client. As for Judy-Ann herself, she takes the time to truly get to know her clients. She was previously in the nursing field, and while she has transitioned out of healthcare, it’s obvious that she still wants to help others by what she currently does now. Having someone who truly cares and truly wants to help someone, that’s good customer service right there, and I can tell you, it’s rare to find that with any company.

The most important takeaway from this is, if you are considering divorce, do your research. Find a law office and lawyer who works with you, who fits your personality and style, and can do their best to help you move forward in this next chapter in your life. It’s not going to be an easy chapter, but the right lawyer can certainly make it bearable.

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Also, if you are a child of divorce, always, always remember, it’s not your fault, and you are still loved. I know personally, my parents’ love for me hasn’t changed at all in that divorce, and I am still close with both of my parents, despite not living with both of them for a couple of years. And while this may sound cheesy, some of those self-help books really do help. If nothing else, it’s a great reminder that you aren’t alone, and that while it seems like your world has stopped spinning and things are crashing around you, they really aren’t, and with God in charge, it all works out the way it is supposed to 😊

Stand Up for Something

Whether you see someone being bullied or you see someone wearing real fur, no matter what it is that bothers you, stand up for it. Sign a petition, start one, step in when you see someone being judged or harassed. All it takes is one step.

Be Kind

It’s not always easy, but it’s important to always be kind. You never know what someone is going through, and you never know what your actions will cause. So choose kindness.

Rosé with Rachel: Valentine’s Drink

Hey y’all, here is a delicious pink cosmo recipe that uses 3 ingredients! Perfect for Valentine’s or Galentine’s Day 🙂

Rosé with Rachel: Valentine’s Date Ideas

If you’re struggling for a unique idea other than dinner, here are some fun Valentine’s date ideas.

Rosé with Rachel: Self-Worth

Self-worth doesn’t come from anything but you, so don’t let outside influences make a difference in how you feel.

Just Started Dating Around the Holidays

You know what can really complicate the holidays? No, it’s not your Aunt Susan after one too many glasses of wine who starts complaining about anything and everything. It’s starting a relationship right before the holidays, and trying to figure out how to navigate this tricky time.

For most people who are in committed relationships and have been for some time, it’s pretty easy to figure out how the holidays go. You either alternate years or you alternate days that you see each other’s family. This way, no one gets left out, and you both fulfill your obligations to see one another. But what if, you just started seeing someone in October? Or November? It’s much too soon to meet the parents or start alternating who gets Christmas or Christmas Eve, so that makes things a little more complicated.

This can be a bit of a tricky situation, because obviously you two want to spend time together, but you may not want to subject them to the kind of crazy that is your family -just remember, we all have crazy family members, not much we can do about it 🙂 However, there is a very simple, and easy remedy to this situation.

Depending on your family, you may only see everyone on Christmas, which leaves Christmas Eve for a romantic stroll through the park or going ice skating or even wandering around looking at Christmas lights, whatever suits you two as a couple. This way, you still get to spend time with your significant other, but you don’t have to worry about the meet the parents. If you have a family that generally takes both days to celebrate, that’s me, then it can be a little harder to figure out. Generally, I have the morning to myself on Christmas Eve, but if you’re doing last minute Christmas present wrapping or shopping, then those hours are blocked off. That’s where the day before or the day after Christmas come in. Since most people get that day off, or are taking vacation for it, you can easily squeeze in some time with your SO.

Just try to remember not to put so much pressure on yourself for this. Yes, it’s Christmas, but if you’re in a new relationship, make sure to take things slow, and take your time. There’s no need to rush things, and you can always start new Christmas traditions next year.

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