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Shoot Your Shot

We’ve all heard it at some point. “You need to just ask him out, if you’re interested just go for it.” Well, pretty sure we all know that’s easier said than done. There are so many reasons to hesitate with doing that. Maybe he’s not asking me out because he’s not interested, maybe he’s just being nice, maybe he’s just being friendly, I don’t want to change our friendship, I don’t want to be rejected, etc., etc. The list really can go on and on for all the reasons not to just go for it and shoot your shot. But here’s the problem: if you never ask, you never know what the answer is. So you can work it all out in your head and decide that it wasn’t meant to be, but if you never try, you never actually know. And while I think it’s great that we seem to think we know people, reality is, we don’t. People can be extremely hard to read, especially when it comes to relationships. So you may think you know what they’ll say, but people can surprise you. Happens to me all the time.

The Timing Isn’t Right

How often have we told ourselves that it’s just not the right time, and maybe if things were different…Well, that’s all good, except when is the right time? When everything in your life is working out perfectly and you have no worries in the world? If you live a life like that, then I envy you a bit. Because I can say for sure that nothing has ever been the right time in my life. There’s always something going on, whether it be me starting a new job, or a semester ending or house hunting. Generally, as people, we’re all busy. We all have lives and different commitments that we have to deal with. Does that mean that you shouldn’t go for it anyway and see what happens with that person you like? No, it just means if you like them, and they’re important to you, you’ll make the time. If you don’t, then you probably didn’t like them that much. But I can pretty much guarantee that if you’re waiting for the right time to ask someone out, there won’t be a right time. Just give it a shot, and see what happens.

They’re Moving Or You’re Moving

So you waited a while, became friends with the person, and now one of you is moving, so even though you were going to make your move, now you’re not. First of all, there is this thing called long distance, and if you both really want it, you’ll make it work. It’s definitely not the easiest thing, but it can be done, especially if you have that friendship to back it up. And while we like to pretend we have our futures planned out, plans change, unexpected things happen, and you may wind up closer to them or vice versa. Unless you have a crystal ball, you don’t know how things are going to play out, so don’t act like you can. When we make plans, God laughs. Remember, it’s all under control, just not yours.

They’ll Never Notice Me

Well not with that attitude they won’t! Reality is, I’ve spoken with people from my past who I thought had no interest in me, because they never made a move, and neither did I, and I just figured they didn’t notice me. And you know what I found out? I was wrong, they did notice me, they just were afraid to say something or didn’t think we wanted the same things. Unfortunately, sometimes when you shoot your shot you will miss. And that’s nothing on you or the other person, it’s just life. Sometimes, you just want different things. And maybe in the future that’ll change, or maybe it’s not meant to be. But when you wait years to actually come forward and say that, you’re pretty much ensuring that nothing will happen. Yeah, I spoke with some of these guys, and it was an enlightening conversation, but that doesn’t change the past. The chance that was there, is no longer relevant, because neither of us decided to give it a shot.

Long story short: don’t be afraid to shoot your shot. I recently did, and who knows what will come of it, possibly nothing, I’m not sure yet. All I know is, at least I tried, and I won’t be left wondering what if? I hate to wonder what could have happened if I was just a little braver, if I had just gone for it. Yeah, things can get awkward sometimes when you shoot your shot, but hey, you got your answer then. I’m the type of girl who’d rather know where I stand, rather than to wonder and have to guess. And, I’ve heard from the guys I work with, that they don’t mind when a girl asks them out, because sometimes, they think you’re out of their league, and they won’t even try, even if they think she may be interested. So, if you’re interested in someone or just want to get to know someone better, go for it. Shoot your shot and see what happens. It may be the little push that’s needed to get your love story going.

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High Standards in Relationships

Hey y’all. So recently some of the people in my life have decided that I need to be in a relationship, and so they’ve started playing matchmaker. Don’t get me wrong, I am so ok with that, but I think they’re getting a little frustrated with me because of how picky I am. Which truly, if you know me even at all, you know I’m pretty picky when it comes to things. And that’s everything in my life.

I’ve always been raised as a strong, independent female who doesn’t need to be in a relationship. This means, that when I am looking for one, I have extremely high standards. That’s partly because I’ve always held myself to high standards, I don’t half-ass things, and I certainly don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t give their 110% to everything they do. So yeah, I’m picky. I prefer to think of it as having high standards, but call it what you want. Everything I’ve started, I do my best to finish, and to do it well, even if I’m not all that impressed with it. So, when I’m looking for someone to spend my life with, I’m looking for someone like that. Someone who has stuff in common with me, someone who enjoys musical theatre and dancing, someone who won’t mind me singing in the car (I can match pitch, but that doesn’t mean it’s pretty), and someone who is constantly trying to improve themselves. I’m always working on improving myself, and yeah it’d be great to have someone who thinks I’m perfect, but let’s face it, I’m sassy and full of sarcasm, and that’s not perfect to some. But while I’m not perfect and I know no one else is, I still want someone who will continuously try to improve. And personally, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I’ve had several people tell me that maybe I should lower my standards, and then I’d be able to find someone. I mean, I think I’ve accepted that I probably won’t wind up marrying someone who looks like Chris Evans, though a girl can still dream, and I’ve accepted that we’re not going to agree on everything, which is good, what would we have to debate about if we had the same beliefs on everything? But there are some things I can’t lower my standards on. For example, education is extremely important to me, I need it to be important to whoever I end up with. Whether you wound up using that degree or you went after a trade, as long as you keep learning new things, that’s all that matters, but if you graduate from school and think, “great, I never have to learn anything again or pick up a book” then odds are it’s not going to work. Same thing with your job. I don’t care if you love it, hate it, or are indifferent. If you don’t try your hardest, no matter how you feel about it, then we’re not a good pair. You’ve entered into a contract with your company to do your best for them, and that means giving 100% no matter what. I do that, even on my bad days, and it’s important to me you do too, because that shows a lot about your character. And yeah, you have to be a good person too. Compassion goes a long way, and we should always be trying to improve the world we’re in.  And you don’t have to love green smoothies as much as I do, but caring about fitness is key to me, because it’s something I care about. And bonus points if you let me try out some weird vegetable dish I find on Pinterest.

So yeah, maybe I do have high standards, maybe I do expect a lot from a guy. But I don’t expect candlelit dinners, and midnight picnics in the park, though I certainly wouldn’t complain if that was the plan. But the reality is, I’m good just sitting together talking under the stars or just going out to see a movie. I prefer that actually.  That’s more my style, so while I have high standards in certain areas, I am also extremely laid back about other things. The main key here is knowing not to lower your standards, even if it seems like that person isn’t there. It just means the time isn’t right. I’m a big believer in true love and soulmates, and I truly do believe that there is someone for everyone. Maybe you found them years ago and are living your happily ever after, maybe you met them and fell apart and will fall together again in the future, and maybe you still haven’t met them yet. No matter what though, stay true to yourself and your high standards. It’ll all work out in the end when it’s supposed to, and when you least expect it. So be open to new experiences, but if it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t feel pressured to play along. Your standards matter to you for a reason, don’t ever forget that.

Pasta Salad Recipe

Hey y’all, so for those who don’t know me too well, I am slowly getting back into cooking. I was super into it for a while, then it became this big hassle. I mean, it takes a lot of time out of your day, and let’s face it, with working full time, there’s barely enough time to keep up with everything. But, I’m really trying to improve myself, including my health, and that means cooking some healthy recipes up again. I am also a huge fan of Italian food, so anything that I can make with pasta, sounds delicious to me. For those of you shaking your head and saying pasta isn’t healthy, it’s not the worst thing I could eat, and sometimes, carbs are good. So don’t try to ruin my pasta 🙂

I put together a super quick and easy dinner the other night, which had enough for leftovers for another meal or two. Which is perfect, cook one night, get the other night off. Sounds like a good plan to me. Well, for my fellow pasta and veggie lovers, here you go, some delicious pasta salad.

What you need:

1 box pasta (I use organic whole wheat)

2 whole zucchini- sliced

1 squash- sliced

Several handfuls of baby carrots- sliced

1 whole tomato- diced

Various spices- I use turmeric, basil, black pepper, garlic powder, and cayenne pepper

Lemon juice

How to prepare:

Cook your pasta according to the box

Take all of your sliced veggies, besides the tomato, and put them in a frying pan with a little bit of olive oil.

Add some of your spice mix (this is really personal and what tastes you like) to the veggies and cook on medium heat until zucchini is squishy and carrots are medium softness.

Drain pasta and put in big bowl.

Add cooked veggies to big bowl.

Add tomatoes and lemon juice (again, add some taste, and then add more, I prefer mine to have a strong lemon taste) and the rest of your spices and toss.

Enjoy!

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This is a quick and easy recipe that I originally saw on Pinterest, but I changed it up a bit to fit my tastes a little better. It’s healthy, it’s delicious, and depending on your mood, you can add broccoli (tastes really good, but start cooking that a couple minutes before the zucchini and squash) or spinach, that’s also a great option to add to it. However you want to cook it, it’s perfect for summer time, it fills you up and you know you’re getting some good veggies in there.

An Afternoon Tea: An Absolute Delight

An Afternoon Tea: An Absolute Delight

Hey y’all, it’s been a while. I have been so slammed with house hunting, working like a crazy lady, and still trying to have a life, that the blog took the backburner a bit. But you know I don’t like to not write for too long, so I’m baaaack.

One of the things I’ve really been focusing on is finding some time to just relax. Whether that is sitting outside with a glass of wine and enjoying the beautiful weather we’ve been having or working on a puzzle for a little bit, I’m really working on making sure that I have time for both work and play. One of the things that I set aside some time for was an afternoon tea. Ever since I was a little kid, my gram, whenever she was babysitting, would sit me down, around 2 or 3, and we would have tea. She always used this pretty tea set, and we had a cup of tea, and usually a snack, either something we had baked together earlier that day or cookies or something from a bakery. No matter what we had, it was delicious, and it was always a fun afternoon. I loved just sitting down, talking with her, hearing her tell stories, and just enjoying the time together.

That’s something I was lucky enough to grow up with, and to this day, I still enjoy sitting down for a good cup of tea, especially in good company. Well, this restaurant, called Tea World Cafe and Tea Room offers an afternoon tea. It has two pots of tea, as well as an assortment of delicious savories. I went with my grandmother once before, and went again more recently. It is one of those things, that once I discovered it, I can’t get enough of. But if you decide to try out an afternoon tea, make sure you do so with an empty stomach!

One of the things I really love about afternoon tea is that it is a bit of a formal affair. You dress up a bit, which is really nice because I love a good excuse to dress up. Then you sit, and you get served these amazing tea brews served in beautiful antique china, and lots of delicious snacks from little sandwiches to amazing scones. And you just sit back, talk and enjoy those you came with, and can spend a couple of hours just having a good time. It’s a relaxing environment, but more than that you can learn a little something too. The hostesses of the tea will gladly share information as to why it’s called high tea, and nuances and common courtesies of the time when high tea was a daily occurrence.

It was a wonderful way to spend an afternoon, and I highly recommend taking some time for an afternoon tea if you get a chance to.

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God’s Not Dead A Light in Darkness: Reviewed

Hey everyone. So today I went to see God’s Not Dead A Light in Darkness. I must say, if you’re even considering going to see it, please please do. It was fantastic. I will admit, I was a little hesitant about it, watched the trailer, liked the plot, but was still worried that it wouldn’t live up to what I expected. And I loved the first God’s Not Dead movie. It was phenomenal, and as soon as it was out on DVD, I had to have it, and I have watched it several times since. So, with those high expectations, I was a little nervous about the third film. But again, I will say, it was fantastic! So I’m going to do my best not to spoil it for those who are going to go see it later, but I will say it was definitely a great choice not only for this Easter weekend, but in these times.

The point I really liked, and what I felt it really touched on, was that even Christians are humans. Think about that. How many times have you heard someone say, “well that’s not the Christian thing to do?” I’ve heard it before, but sometimes, even if you are a Catholic or Christian, it can be hard to do the right thing. Sometimes, our emotions get the best of us, because no matter how hard we try, we are still humans, and we are still sinners, and most of all, we make mistakes. We act out in anger, in fear, in the heat of the moment, and sometimes, that doesn’t bring out the best of us. And yes, that’s something that everyone struggles with, regardless of your religion. Sometimes, we let our emotions take control, and we lose focus. It’s a part of being human. And this movie, it really touched on that and made a great point. Sometimes, even when you try your hardest, your emotions get in the way, and you don’t do the “right” thing. Even the best people can slip up and make mistakes.

I applaud the cast and crew on another wonderful movie. I was enthralled from the beginning to end, and needed to see what happened, how it was going to turn out. It was great to see some old characters that were in the first film, and it was good to see new ones show up and grow from the start to the beginning of the film. The plot was timely, and fit right into current events, and had a lot of nuances that weren’t even directly related to that particular issue that is faced in the movie.

Overall, it was very well done, and a great reminder that even when He is quiet, God’s not dead.

Benefits of Yoga

Benefits of Yoga

Namaste y’all!

I used to do yoga in college, at least once a week, preferably twice a week, and it really did help to keep my stress levels managed, as well as help me to stay flexible and with a strong core. As my yoga instructor liked to say, this wasn’t “nice yoga” this was “strong yoga!” And let me tell you, I loved every second of it! I tried one of the other yoga types, it was more of a relaxation yoga, and I kid you not, I nearly fell asleep in it. It was too slow for me, and clearly meditation was not my thing at the time. But sadly, after graduation, I stopped doing yoga, and now I am finally getting back into it. I have quite a ways to go, from where I started, but the benefits of yoga were just too much to pass up.

So here is a list of some of the benefits of yoga. Enjoy!

  1. Increased flexibility. Yeah, this one for sure. You stretch those muscles, and it feels amazing, especially after a tough workout, really helps to keep everything from stiffening and tightening up.
  2. Increased blood circulation. This one is great, especially since most of us sit at desks all day long during office hours. If you happen to have a standing desk (me too, go us!) then that’s awesome, but for those who don’t this definitely helps with circulation.
  3. Mental calmness. This is one of the main reasons I personally love yoga and am working on getting back into it multiple times a week. We hear about self-care, and yoga is a great way to sit back for 30-60 minutes, and just relax. You focus on breathing, and you focus on meditation and clearing your mind, and it’s a great stress reliever. So, if you’re giving your stress ball a good workout every single day, try picking up a yoga mat.
  4. Protection from injury. We all have heard time and time again that if you work on that flexibility, you will help to prevent muscle injuries. This is especially true if you play sports or have a hobby that keeps you physical. A little yoga never hurts.
  5. Increased muscle strength and tone. If you’ve never done yoga before, you may be scratching your head thinking that there’s no way this helps to tone muscles. Trust me, it does. Some of the yoga poses implement lunges, backbends, planks, etc. All of which help to tone your legs, core, arms. And the best part is, crunches are not involved.
  6. Lowers blood pressure. Going back to number 3, it helps to calm you down, and when you’re calm and relaxed, you’re not stressing over what Bob at the office did or Poppy next door. Which in turn, helps lower that blood pressure. Blood pressure is extremely important to cardiac health, so having a hobby that helps keep it lowered, is fantastic.backlit, balance, beach

Whether you believe in the healing power of yoga or not, it never hurts to try something new. And with all the benefits of yoga, what do you have to lose? So many of us are always trying to improve our health, and I certainly don’t see how stretching has a downside. Plus, the music that is usually played is very soothing in itself.

 

Quinoa and Veggies Recipe

Now that we are in Lent, as a Catholic, I have started my meatless Fridays. This is always a bit of a struggle for me, as I am used to making recipes that have some form of meat in them. I mean, of course there’s the usual alfredo or spaghetti without meat sauce or salad (which if you’re like me, will have you hungry in an hour or two), but I am trying to be a bit healthier, so that means shaking up the routine and trying new recipes.

One of my tried and true favorites is quinoa with mixed vegetables. It’s super simple and easy to make plus is super healthy. So if you’re looking to try something new, check out this recipe.

cooking veggies on a stove
Cooking Time!

2 zucchini sliced and cubed

2 squash sliced and cubed

Half a bag of pre-sliced broccoli florets

1 cup of baby tomatoes sliced

1 cup of quinoa

1 can of Kidney beans

~4 tablespoons lime juice

~2 tablespoons of turmeric

~2 tablespoons of basil

~1 tablespoon of cayenne pepper

Cook up your quinoa according to package directions.

Saute the veggies, all but the tomatoes, in a pan over medium high heat with a bit of olive oil in the pan to prevent sticking. Add in spices. I usually don’t measure the spices, I just kind of eyeball it, and go with that, so you can adjust that as needed, it’s really just to help the quinoa have a bit more flavor.

Once soft, transfer the veggies into the quinoa and add the tomatoes.

Drain and rinse the kidney beans and add to the quinoa and veggie mixture.

Add the lime juice. Again, I’m not a big fan of measuring, just kind of adding in and mixing it and then adding a bit more. Depends on how much flavor you want added.

And that’s it! Once that’s all mixed together, you have a healthy, delicious dinner that is full of good stuff, without any meat. It’s yummy and filling 🙂

Common Courtesies

You know how there are certain things that you would think are common, but really appear to be a dying breed? Common sense, for one, really not all that common, unfortunately. Knowing not to walk in front of a car, sadly also not common anymore. One of my neighbor’s kids decided it would be a fun game to stand in front of a car in the middle of the road. I mean, seriously? My parents would have kicked my butt if I had ever pulled a stunt like that. So I’ve compiled a list of common courtesies that may not be so common anymore, but that I feel, as a society, it can’t hurt us to get back to.

  1. Not going in to work sick. I feel like this is a no-brainer, but apparently it’s not. With how bad the flu has been this year, and how contagious it is, it’s seriously baffling to me that anyone would go in and put their coworkers, and subsequently their coworkers’ families at risk if they’re sick, but yet they do. So here’s a common courtesy: stay home if you’re sick. I get it, no one wants to use a sick day when they’re actually sick, but I can assure you, your boss and coworkers appreciate that over you coming in and infecting everyone that works there. You think you’re helping productivity? No, you’re hindering it, because others will need to call out or come in sick and not do anything, therefore, less work gets done. So please, please, don’t come to work sick. If you have the opportunity to work from home, do so, or just take a sick day and catch up on Netflix (I suggest Arrow, great show, lots of seasons).
  2. Opening the doors for others. I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, it’s just polite to hold the door for someone behind you or to grab it for someone who is your senior. Maybe I was just raised with old fashioned morals, but I still feel that way, and it absolutely baffles me when people let doors slam in other people’s faces. Especially if they’re a little older or trying to balance stuff in their arms. We aren’t octopuses, we can’t juggle everything and have an extra tentacle to grab the door.
  3. Shaking hands with new employees at work. Yeah, I’m shocked I have to write this too. But there was a coworker I had who decided that he would shake everyone’s hand but mine. Now, whether he was sexist or just thought I was below him, I’ll never know, but I do know that’s unacceptable. If someone new joins the team, you shake hands and introduce yourself. Same when you meet someone new literally anywhere. That’s how adulting works.
  4. Don’t be on your phone constantly while hanging out with someone. Again, do I really have to put this? Yes, yes I do. If someone has made time for you in their busy schedule, and yes, everyone has their own lives, you are not the only one that is busy, the least you can do is put your phone down for an hour or two and pay attention to that person. It drives me insane if I’m grabbing lunch with someone and they are having a whole other conversation on their phone. I get it, check it if you need to, but you don’t need to be watching cat videos the entire time, I wanted to catch up with you, not see the back of your phone.
  5. Don’t clap at movies. I hate to break this to you, but they can’t hear you. The actors are not actually on the screen, so you clapping at the end of a movie or during the middle, just annoys everyone who paid money for their tickets and wanted to watch the movie, not hear you clap every time the hot guy comes on the screen. We get it, he’s good looking, now hush.
  6. Get off your butt and clap after a live performance. On the flip side, make sure if you see a show live, theatre or any kind of performance, clap for the cast and crew. They worked hard to bring you that show, and the least you can do is clap for them spending hours entertaining you. That’s the beauty of live performance, you actually can clap there.
  7. Be polite to retail workers and restaurant servers. Yes, working there is part of their job, but that doesn’t mean they are your servant for the hour or two you are in there. They are still humans and deserve decency, and politeness. So smile, be polite, and don’t make their lives miserable just because you can.
  8. Let a person get in front of you while driving. I know, I know, some people do cut in front to skip the line, but there are people who truly do just get in the wrong lane and then need to hop over. So cut them some slack.
  9. If you see someone struggling with something, offer a helping hand. Whaaat? What is this madness? Yeah, I’m serious, if you see someone struggling, and it can be someone you know or a complete stranger, go offer to help them. If someone is juggling books and papers and drops something, go grab it real quick for them. Or grab a bag of theirs and help them carry things in (but I advise you do that more so for friends and neighbors, the other may get you pepper sprayed). Or grab something off the top shelf for someone who is struggling to reach it.
  10. Turn the volume down if someone is driving with you. Guess what, we know that when you keep cranking up the music, you don’t want to talk to us. And since we’re driving together, that’s a little rude. A bit of small talk goes a long way.
  11. If you say you’re going to attend something, actually show up. Of course, family emergencies, etc. do come up and that’s understandable, but if you have agreed to attend a party for someone or dinner with them, don’t cancel just because you no longer feel like it. This is especially true for weddings, if you say you’ll attend, show up. They’ve paid for your meal and your seat there that someone else could have had.
  12. Start things on time. On the flip side, if you’re hosting people over for an event or a party or a wedding, try to start it on time. Your guests have taken time and most likely spent money to attend, and keeping them waiting for hours is extremely rude. Of course, again, things do come up, and being a few minutes late is understandable, but always try to start things right on time.

Hear Her Harvard!

I’ve been a member of the fraternity Kappa Alpha Theta since 2012, my junior year in college. Since I joined, I have had a support system of women who empower me, and help me to be the best version of myself that I can be. I’ve had an organization that I represent, and through it, I’ve met many other empowered women, and been awarded different opportunities because of it. So when I heard that Harvard is punishing women for belonging to organizations like this, including their chapter of Kappa Alpha Theta, I couldn’t just let that go.

What the decision-makers at Harvard don’t realize is how much they are hurting women, and men, by instilling these sanctions. Recently they have decided that banning single-sex organizations is the proper way to move forward. What they don’t realize is, they have now set us back to before sororities existed, back to the times that my fraternity’s founders, because yes, Kappa Alpha Theta was started before sorority was even a word, had to fight to have an organization for women to support other women, on a college campus, nearly 150 years ago. For those women who have decided to fight back, and not follow these sanctions, they are facing punishment that could negatively affect them in the future. Why? Because they want an all-woman group to support them. By refusing to leave Kappa Alpha Theta, or rebrand, into a gender-neutral group, they are no longer able to captain sports teams or have leadership roles in campus positions or have school endorsements for academic fellowships. Does that sound right to you? Because to me, it sounds like forcing women to choose, between multiple extra-curriculars that benefit them.

When I joined Theta, I was welcomed into a group that encouraged academics, that encouraged following your dreams, and that was willing to support you when you needed it. I was on the payment plan, because I could not afford the sorority dues outright, and I had women supporting me and helping me work out how I could be a part of this organization, without going broke in the process. I had sisters who would lift me up when I was feeling down, whether it was having a bad group for a presentation or being dumped by a guy I liked. I had a whole network of sisters who could have tutored me if I needed it, and I was available to fellow sisters to help them with homework if necessary too. I always had a sister to call up, and spend time with if I was feeling lonely or needed to get out of my apartment. I also had sisters to study with. Even if we were all in different classes, we were still able to get together, and have library study sessions. So, Harvard, how dare you try to take that away from women? How dare you take away an organization that encourages women to help others, that encourages community service, and a philanthropy? That encourages physical activity? Instead, you are restraining women who are a part of this organization and could lead their volleyball team to victory as captain, or lead another academic club, but instead they will not be allowed to hold officer positions.

I can tell you that in college, in addition to being in Theta, I was also in various clubs and activities, including an officer position in an honor society. According to the new sanctions, if I wanted to do that at Harvard, I wouldn’t be able to. They would stop me from bettering myself, and learning responsibilities that one can only get as an officer of a club, because I was an officer and member of a sorority. Sounds like the opposite of encouraging education and diversity. Sounds like you are penalizing women who are go-getters, who want to better themselves and their community.

So for that, I have to say, shame on you Harvard. The Theta that I was a part of in college, and am still a part of now, is inclusive, welcoming, and encouraging. It supports women from all walks of life, and encourages life-long friends. It encourages getting to know other groups, other people, and working together with them in a variety of different forms. But thanks to these sanctions, women will be punished for belonging to a group like this. In a way that could expand far past her college career. So I’m lending my voice to those fighting. You go girls! You keep fighting the good fight the way our founders did, you have women all over the country supporting you and cheering you on. TLAM Always. #HearHerHarvard.

Don’t Skinny Shame Me or Anyone Else

Hey y’all. So for anyone that knows me, you know that I am a little sensitive about my weight. For my whole life, I’ve had people comment about how thin I am, had doctors worry, and have pretty much fended off comments about eating disorders since before I even knew what an eating disorder was. And you know what, it’s starting to get old.

I have always been super thin, my dad is very thin, so is my mom, so I have no doubt that it runs in my family. I’ve always been an active kid, and you add that in with a fast metabolism, and bam, it means I didn’t gain much weight. Not that I didn’t eat. I was a picky eater as a kid, but man, I sure did (still do) love pasta. So while I may not have liked lettuce at the time, I definitely ate my weight in pasta. But despite all of that, I always was tiny. I’m just a tiny person, it’s who I am, but that doesn’t give people a right to comment.

Lately, there has been a big movement about weight, and how strong is the new skinny, and to love yourself, etc. And don’t get me wrong, that is fantastic. Except when you are putting my body type down. You absolutely should love yourself and your body, it’s definitely not an easy thing to do, and I don’t know any woman, no matter her size, who has not struggled with something that she doesn’t like about her body. So yes, love yourself, treat yourself right, treat your body right. But don’t put me and my size down in the process. Let me give you an example. While I am all for the movement of being strong, in the same movement, you’re saying there is something wrong with being thin. That it’s a bad thing to be skinny, that skinny isn’t a desirable body type, so you should be larger. There is nothing wrong with being skinny, and I can be both strong and skinny at the same time.

Just because you’re thin, doesn’t mean you have an eating disorder. That’s my absolute favorite misconception and something that I have heard people say I have since I was literally about 7 years old. You know what, at 7, I didn’t even know what anorexia was. What 7 years olds do? Yet, I can distinctly remembering people telling my parents that they needed to watch me and make sure I was eating. Spoiler alert: I ate, I snacked, and I would beg for ice cream for dinner (don’t worry, I never got that). I remember in high school, eating dinner with some classmates, one flat out asked me if I was anorexic because I was “so skinny.” Literally, while I was eating pasta (do you see a theme here, I am a pasta fiend). I heard it in college, the little comments, “eat a cheeseburger,” “maybe you should skip the gym today, it can’t hurt you,” etc. Even now, people feel the need to tell me to eat more junk food, or have a cookie. And what they don’t realize is how hurtful and harmful that is.

First of all, just because my metabolism is impressive right now, doesn’t mean that I can just eat cheeseburgers all the time. I still have to work to eat right, just like everyone else. Which means that while I do love my burgers and fries, it can’t become a staple in my life because down the road, that diet could lead me to health problems. And while I may not have to worry about my weight, I do still want to make sure I’m leading a healthy, fit lifestyle. Second of all, stop telling me that how I look isn’t “good” or “right.” My body is right for me. I’m doing my best to take care of it, and you telling me that I need to fatten up because I’m “skin and bones” or to go eat a cheeseburger, that doesn’t help me. It hurts. Because, just like in other cases, I’m not meeting your expectations of beauty. So, because I am not living up to your standards, I need to change myself. Well, guess what? That’s really messed up. You don’t know my insecurities, you don’t know how hard I’ve tried to gain weight, and you don’t know how exhausting it is to constantly tell people that I do not have an eating disorder, which by the way, is a serious issue that is not solved by “eating a burger.”

The main point I’m trying to make here, stop skinny shaming me. Stop commenting on other women’s bodies. You don’t like it when people comment about you, so give them the same courtesy you would like. You can think whatever it is you want to about me, but that doesn’t mean you need to share those thoughts with me or with others around you. The problem with little comments like that is you don’t know what damage you’re doing. We all have insecurities, but we all are also different. Different body types, different personalities. Be cognizant that just because your problems appear different, does not mean that someone is free of insecurities, or free of self-confidence issues. We are all perfect the way we were made, and need to support each other, as women, as human beings.

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