So for those of you who haven’t had your hearts ripped out by the movie Five Feet Apart, first off, how the heck have you not? And second, go see it right now! Right now!
Ok, glad we got through that. Now, without giving up any spoilers, this book raises an interesting question and viewpoint, one that I’ve actually had people ask me, and one that I’ve wondered myself. Is it possible to fall in love without ever touching? Without ever kissing or being able to hold hands or do anything other than just talk? So for me, I think yes, but this is a view that I’ve had people challenge me on. So what do you think?
To me, it seems like a no-brainer. Some people think of love as this thing that needs intimacy, that needs hand holding and kissing, and being near one another, but I’ve never thought that was necessary to love. Now, in this case, we are strictly speaking romantic love, and not platonic love. I mean, think about it, you tell your friends you love them, and you haven’t needed to hold their hands or spend the night with them (at least, I hope not, because if so, buddy, you’re not really in what I’d call a friend area). The same can be said for romantic love. The love that we all hope to find one day, it’s a soul to soul connection. It’s not something that happens because you two held hands and made out at a bar. It’s something that happens because you bonded over reading a certain novel that made both of you think. It happens because of a chance encounter that allowed you to show a stranger your true colors, and they accepted you for what you were. Sure, touch and that intimacy is necessary to build upon a relationship, and as a great way to share how you feel with that special someone. But it’s not necessary for love, and it’s certainly not necessary to fall in love.
While love at first sight may be a bit far fetched, I mean, I’m romantic, but I’m practical too, I do think that there are certain souls that are meant to be. Maybe not forever, or maybe not in that timing, but that doesn’t mean that connection isn’t there. In some cases, it may take a few conversations to uncover it, and while I know so many people think there needs to be that physical connection to help, I disagree. That physical connection should only strengthen what’s already there. To me, there are several forms of intimacy, aside from the physical. There’s the intimacy of speaking to someone at 2 in the morning, when you both are getting groggy after a long day, and you’ve been talking for hours, and sleep isn’t even important anymore, and you are being completely honest with that person and yourself, because you are just too tired to not. Intimacy is long looks across the room, reading that connection into every look. It’s those conversations you have with just your eyes, the ones that no words are needed. It’s those little moments, where you just look over at that special someone, and you just have that wonderful feeling that they’re absolutely perfect. That’s intimacy. And in my opinion, you can have that, without ever touching. You can have that being in different cities, and you can definitely fall in love without even meeting in person.
When you think of falling in love, you might think of some gorgeous guy, or girl, sweeping you off your feet, and you two live happily ever after. And that’s great, that’s what fairy tales are based on. But what about meeting someone who gets you and your little quirks? Who talks about you in their future, even though you are in different cities? What about building that friendship, knowing that someone isn’t perfect, and not caring? What about that perfect moment where you are smiling down at your phone like a total idiot, without even realizing it, because they just make you that happy? Some will argue that you can’t fall in love without that physical touch. But to me, that’s not true. You fall in love with someone’s soul, with their spirit and their personality. Not because you were able to hold hands or you had an awkward first kiss at the end of a date. Sure, those things may be a way to show affection, but true love, you don’t need that. You definitely want it, don’t get me wrong, but to fall in love, to truly fall in love, maybe we need to take away that. Take away the physical proximity. Do you miss that person when they aren’t there or were they just someone hot to spend time with? Are you at a point where you desperately want to see them in person, but are completely content just talking to them for hours? Because to me, that makes all the difference.
Psychology says that the difference in love and lust lies in the time. If you only have feelings for four months, it’s lust. Anything that lasts longer than that is love. They may be right, but society seems to rush into things so much that sometimes I think the two get easily confused, especially when the physical is such a huge aspect. If you’re not sure if you’re in love or lust, maybe try taking a step back, literally, and seeing the person for who they are. Just another person, without the added physical stuff. It may just make all the difference.