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Let’s Talk Boundaries

You ever met someone who just seemed to cross every boundary that was ever set, whether it was stated or just implied? Lately, it seems like there are a lot of people crossing certain boundaries that they shouldn’t, and honestly, we’re all adults here, you shouldn’t need someone to parent you and tell you that you are crossing a boundary.

Let me pull up an example of what I’m talking about. Have you ever been friends with or worked with or even just spent time with someone who seemed to feel that privacy just wasn’t an important thing? Maybe they hover behind your desk at work, reading what’s on your monitors or maybe they will snoop through every piece of mail that is sitting on the counter when they come over to visit you. Well, in my opinion, that’s crossing a serious boundary. When something is left out, it’s not an invitation for someone else to read it, but yet that’s how so many people act. They think that if it’s left out, it’s fair game, and they justify it by saying “well everyone does it.” No, everyone doesn’t do that, that’s not only crossing boundaries but it’s an invasion of privacy. You wouldn’t appreciate someone going through your phone if you left it on the counter, but you think it’s ok to do that to someone else to justify your curiosity? Sorry, but no. I get it, sometimes it’s really tempting to listen in to a conversation or to read something that’s sitting right there. But it’s not there for you. That means, unless someone says you can go read it, you need to respect the boundaries and accept that it’s just something you’re not going to know. For women, there’s been plenty of discussion of men crossing boundaries that they shouldn’t. Unfortunately, I don’t know a single woman who has not had a man cross a boundary at some point, including myself. I have had myself grabbed inappropriately by men I don’t know, as well as have had them cat call and call me names. Do you consider that a boundary crossed? I certainly do, I also consider it ridiculous. But, it is what it is. The only person that you can control is yourself, so do your best not to cross any boundaries and make someone else feel uncomfortable.

It can be really hard to not cross certain boundaries. Some we don’t even realize we’re crossing, some get crossed innocently enough, and that’s ok, things happen, nobody’s perfect (if you think you are, read my last post). But if you are purposefully ignoring those boundaries and just scooting across them, then it’s a problem. So just try to keep that in the back of your mind. A piece of advice that my driver’s ed coach once gave us was to act like everything we did would be front page news the next morning. If you don’t want your snooping plastered across the front page of the paper, and you feel slightly ashamed at the thought, then you probably shouldn’t be doing that. That’s solid advice for anything. If you say something to someone that you would be mortified anyone else heard you say, then should you really be saying it? If the answer is no, then you may want to think twice before acting or speaking. And these boundaries can be crossed in a variety of ways. Kids cross boundaries all the time by testing their parents, teenagers do it with their mouths (self-recognized smart mouth right here), and even adults do it in a variety of ways. Just always stop and give your actions a second thought. And consider, how you would feel if there was a picture of you on the front page of the morning paper, crossing a boundary.

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I Am Not Perfect…And Neither Are You

What is perfect? Perfection is something that we strive to attain, but really it’s completely unattainable. Not even a robot can reach perfect. So why do we try to be it so often? I personally am horrible about this. I have been striving for perfection since I was a kid. Be the perfect daughter, be the perfect student, be the perfect employee, be the perfect friend, you get the drift. And you know what, in all of those things I’ve failed at some point. I blew the perfect daughter thing when I put a baseball through a windshield (the family was not impressed with that one). Perfect student, well blew that when I failed a quiz, perfect students don’t fail quizzes. Perfect employee? Nope, I make mistakes, even when I’ve done a task a thousand times. Definitely have not been the perfect friend, but you know what is true about all of those things? I try. I try my best to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee. Am I attaining perfection? Nope, but I get up every day and try my best. And that to me, is pretty perfect.

We all have this idea that certain people are perfect. You know who I’m talking about. Maybe for you, it’s the super mom who manages to get her kids to all their after school activities, make snacks for the soccer team, have a spotless house, and always have dinner on the table ready for the kids and hubby when he gets home from work. Or maybe, it’s the person on Instagram who has a job they love, is able to travel as much as they want, and always has killer pics that just make you think everything in their life must be great. Well, that perfect person, it doesn’t exist. The super mom, she struggles, she makes mistakes, and that’s ok, because she wakes up every morning and she does her best. The person you see on Instagram? Well, they’re posting so much on Instagram because other aspects of their life aren’t always perfect. But we, as a society, seem obsessed with this idea of perfection, and we can’t seem to let other people see the imperfections. It can be so difficult for people to be real with one another, and part of that is because we want to hide our imperfections.

Look at dating. So often, when we go out on dates, we aren’t completely ourselves. Maybe we’re worried about what they’ll think of us, maybe we’re worried that we’ll be too weird for them. Maybe they’ll see a zit and be like “nope, can’t go out with her.” What are we so afraid of? When we are dating someone, we should want to be ourselves with them, we shouldn’t be hiding a part of ourselves in fear that they’ll see we aren’t perfect. They aren’t perfect either! And that’s what makes relationships work, two people loving each other despite the imperfections. You can like things about someone, and that’s great, you should, but you can love someone despite certain things, and that’s important to remember too.

Perfection is completely unattainable, and while it’s great to always do our best, it’s also important to remain true to yourself. You won’t be perfect, and that’s ok, you don’t have to be. You just have to be you, and that’s enough.

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