That Ghost

There are certain dating games I can’t stand. Playing hard to get is one of them. It just adds unnecessary confusion to an already confusing situation. Breadcrumbing, also not my thing, and not something I’m a huge fan of. But you know what absolutely drives me nuts? Ghosting. And the worst part is, I’ve done it.

Before you judge me too harshly, let me explain. This guy and I had gone on a couple of dates, but things weren’t really working out on my end. So I tried to end things, but he wanted to work on our issues, and I agreed we’d give it another shot. But, things didn’t change, and when I was ready for a change, he wasn’t. So he kept texting, and at first I did my best to respond. But eventually, I slowly eased off on responding, and instead gave little information back. Until he stopped texting. So, it wasn’t the true definition of ghosting, but it was enough of it for me. And I can say, I don’t ever want to do that to someone again, because I know how much it hurts to be ghosted.

I’ve been ghosted by several people, some friends, some guys I liked. No matter the situation, it totally sucks. Not to mention, it goes against everything that we as humans want. We want closure, we want endings. We don’t like when we miss the end of a show, or the end of a book is ripped out, because we want to know what happened, we want to get closure on that chapter. But when you ghost someone, you’re denying them that closure. You’re also denying them the chance to know what went wrong. If you’re acting like everything is fine, saying you want to see someone again, and talking to them for a bit before just disappearing, they have no idea that anything is wrong, they have no way to know that it’s coming. Which means, they also can’t work towards change, if it was something that they did wrong. Maybe you didn’t like something, but rather than telling that person, you just disappeared. Maybe, you ghosted on them because you liked her a little too much, and that freaked you out, or you decided that you weren’t good enough for her. Well, that’s great, except everyone else should get a say in things as well. Yeah, I get it, sometimes people are too clingy, or don’t want to accept something has ended. But before you ghost, make sure that you didn’t lead someone on. If you are talking to someone and something happens, and you both agree to still be friends, then you don’t get a right to just disappear.

But, if you have made that decision to ghost someone and ignore anything they send, just make sure that you’re ok with that. You’re ok with the fact that that’s how you’ll be known to their friends and family. “The one who disappeared.” That you’re ok with treating someone that poorly that you’re going to pretend that they don’t exist. Do I sound harsh? Well, that’s because I’m not proud of the fact that I’ve done it, and I’ve had it happen enough to know just how much it sucks.


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