Be The Standards You Expect From Others
I’ve been told I have high standards, by several people in my life. I’ve accepted that, and I don’t even try to argue anymore because it’s true. I have high standards in quite a few areas of my life. I expect good customer service when I go to a store or restaurant, so I guess you could say I have high standards there. I expect a certain level of professionalism in any work or business setting. Again, me and my high standards. They even pop up in my dating life, which is why several people have told me I’m picky. They’re right, I am picky, I do have high standards and expect a lot from people. That’s because I was raised to give a lot of myself in whatever I do, so I expect that from others.
When I worked in retail, my job, what I was being paid to do, was not only sell merchandise, but also to give customers a great shopping experience with us. So that’s what I tried to do. Even if I wasn’t feeling good or was having a bad day, I did my best to not let that influence how I treated customers. Same thing goes with my job now. I try to work with a certain amount of professionalism, and help the customers I have in the best way possible, no matter what else is going on at the time. Does that mean I don’t make mistakes? Of course not, I’m human, I make mistakes all the time. It means though that when I then go to another company and expect similar treatment, it’s because I give it to others in my positions.
This can be applied to anything from work to school to friendships and relationships. We’ve all heard the saying you can’t expect someone to do “blank” for you if you won’t do it for them, and it’s true. If you have these standards that you feel people should adhere to, make sure you’re adhering to them as well. This is especially true in relationships, and here’s a few examples.
- You take forever to text back, but expect him to text back immediately. I am either really good at texting people back, or I may take days to get back to you. It’s not because I’m ignoring you, I look at the text, read it, respond in my head, and then don’t realize I didn’t actually respond to you. I’m working on it, but it happens. However, if you are like me, and do that, you can’t have this expectation of him texting you back immediately if you can’t do the same for him. It’s not fair to hold him to higher standards than you hold yourself.
- If you won’t go do something you don’t want to do for him, you can’t expect him to do that. Most people, whether you are dating or friends, have different likes and dislikes. That means that for each relationship, there’s a certain amount of sacrifice or willing to do something you wouldn’t ordinarily do. For example, let’s say he loves to go fishing. Maybe you hate fishing. But, you just dragged him to a dance class for date night, and he went along, and didn’t complain. It’s only fair then that he gets to do something he wants, even if you don’t like it. Anyway, it’s not the activity that’s important, it’s spending time together. Relationships are a lot of give and take, and if you’re not willing to give, then you can’t expect him to do that either.
- You won’t meet halfway. My best friend lives in a different state, and has for the past 4 years. We developed a system to ensure that when we visited each other, it was fair to each party. We decided to alternate who visited who, that way no one was overwhelmed by the price of a plane ticket. So in the fall, I went up to visit her, and get some time in cooler weather, and then in winter, she came down for my graduation from college. Since then, we’ve been alternating who comes to see who, and it’s our little halfway point. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us if the other one was always the one who didn’t have to pay for a plane ticket. Same goes in any relationship. You have to work with them, and meet them halfway. You can’t expect them to do that if you won’t do it yourself.
Having high standards can sometimes be viewed as a negative. To me, it’s a positive. It shows that I won’t settle for just anything, but it also is a way to help me continuously improve myself and work towards bettering myself. If I have these high expectations of guys, then it’s only fair that I hold these high expectations of myself. Heck, maybe I even have higher expectations of myself than of others. If that’s the case, that’s ok too. Just be prepared that not everyone has the same feelings as you. That’s just a simple fact of life, but it’s important to remember that just because someone doesn’t have the same expectations of themselves or of others, doesn’t make them a bad person. It just means they may not be the right person for your life.
So before you get mad at someone for something, make sure that you’ve been holding up your end of the expectation as well. If not, think of it as something that you can work on, and see what happens from there. No relationship, whether romantic or friendship or family, is going to be perfect at all times, and there’s always room for some self-growth on everyone’s part.