Happy Ever Afters Can Ruin Relationships
Wait, whaat? I know, this is so not like me, I love fairy tale endings, happily ever afters, anything romance I totally live for. And don’t get me wrong, they’re still great, I’m not saying otherwise. What I am saying though is that sometimes our expectations can be so high from these happy endings, that they ruin our relationships that are firmly planted in real life.
We all have seen the movies where the guy is just absolutely perfect. He has a good, steady job, is super cute, respectful to women, and has everything figured out. Well, generally in movies we only ever see the good stuff. We don’t see all his bad habits, instead we see Mr. Perfect. Well, that’s great, except when you then want to find Mr. Perfect in real life, and guess what? No guy can ever live up to that. No guy is going to be perfect 100% of the time because nobody is perfect 100% of the time. I may strive for it, but I know that I am nowhere near it, and that’s just something I have to accept and deal with. The problem is that we have these expectations of the perfect guy, and sometimes that can cloud our judgement and mess with our relationships.
- You expect him to have his crap together. Do you have everything in your life figured out? Odds are, if you’re in your twenties, you don’t. If you do, then congrats, you unicorn. For those of us who are still figuring everything out, you can’t expect someone else to have it all figured out if you’re still stumbling around yourself. So yes, Prince Charming did have it all figured out, but he also had a kingdom given to him. So unless you are dating Prince Harry, cut the guy some slack. Odds are he is just trying to figure everything out same as you.
- You think he shouldn’t have bad habits. Um, hello, we all have bad habits. I can binge watch episodes of the Flash for HOURS on end. Not my finest moments. Well, just like you and me, we’re going back to that fact that he’s human. So he’s going to have some bad habits. Maybe even some annoying habits. Sure, there are some people that are just incompatible, but if you’re getting irritated just because you think other guys won’t have those habits, then you’re in fairytale mindset, and it’s time for a dose of reality.
- He doesn’t shower you with flowers and chocolates all the time. Yeah, I can say in the relationships I’ve been in, I’ve never gotten flowers or chocolates ever. And that’s fine, I didn’t really expect it in them. Sure, we all want that, but to put that kind of expectation on him is a bit much. Yes, he should definitely remember your birthday and anniversaries, and yes it would be super romantic if he just randomly brought you some flowers to work or something. However, he’s not reading off a script and being handed a bouquet before the scene. He has stuff going on in his life too, so he may not be the hopeless romantic, but if he cares for you, he’ll show it in other ways.
- He’s allowed to have a life too. In some movies, we mainly follow the girl around, so we just see the guy when he’s spending time with her, which is, let’s face it, a lot of the time. Well, in reality, people have jobs and friends and family, and sometimes those responsibilities can interfere with being your boyfriend for the day. And that’s ok! If he has to go to a class after work or he has a guy’s night, it’s ok. He still cares about you, but just like you have time with friends, he’s able to do that too.
- You built him up in your head before you even really got to know him. You know what I’m talking about. You meet someone, and talk for a bit, and then you come up with all these things he likes. He must love to golf, and likes the same music as you, and he had that one picture on Instagram, so he must be a great chef. Then you get to know him better, and he hates golf, likes EDM, and can’t cook to save his life. Totally different than the guy you were falling for in your head. Instead of creating the perfect guy in your head, just see what happens with the real version of him and the real version of you. While building up this amazing guy can be fun, you’re also setting the relationship up for failure when the real one can’t meet those expectations.
It can be tough to not build someone up, especially in those first crush stages. But if you do, you run the risk of having a failed relationship within a couple of months. Yes, odds are the fantasy guy is absolutely fantastic. But, if you don’t get to know someone for who they are, you could be missing out on an equally fantastic real guy. And sometimes, by the time you figure it out, he’s moved on to someone who sees him for who he is. And can appreciate those faults that you decided were deal breakers.