We’ve all either heard it said or said it ourselves. “I don’t know, he/she was nice and all, I just didn’t feel that spark.” Dating can be tough. You have to take time out of your busy schedule, meet up with someone who could be a really good match or could be a total dud. Yeah, you usually talk with them a bit to find out if there is some kind of attraction, but texting or messaging them doesn’t actually tell you the information you need to know. Now, in some cases, if you’re not looking for anything serious, it doesn’t really matter to you if they’re a perfect match for you or if you have a spark, as long as you’re having fun. For others though, if you’re searching for something serious, then not having chemistry can be pretty disappointing.
So what is this spark? Obviously, it’s just a feeling that you have when you’re with someone. That feeling of you two hitting it off instantly, you’re attracted to them, you like what you’re learning about them, and when you leave you have this feeling of wanting to see them again. At least, that’s what it is to me. It’s a pretty standard feeling, as far as I can tell from friends, but it’s also not guaranteed with every date. When someone asks us out, we have reasons to say yes or no. Now, those reasons vary from person to person. Maybe you had that instant electricity when you two met, so of course you want to go out with them. Or maybe you didn’t, but you figure you can give it a chance on the date, and see what happens.
If you’re in the first group, congrats, dating is so much easier that way. I personally also think it’s less awkward. When you have that instant chemistry with someone, when your personalities just click perfectly, there aren’t any awkward silences, you don’t feel uncomfortable, or wonder if you two are going to find something else in common, and you don’t just stare awkwardly around the room. You instead are fully immersed, enjoying every second with that person. You feel a pull to them. And yeah, maybe it doesn’t last forever, maybe you guys only make it through a year. Or maybe you two have found your soul mates and are meant to be together forever. You never know if you don’t give it a shot.
If you’re in the second group, don’t worry, just about all of us have been there. You think he’s cute, or maybe you two have a similar hobby, so you figure there is no spark, yet, but there could be, so you go out. But it is awkward. You find that beyond one or two things, there just isn’t all that in common. You find that maybe maturity levels are different or you’re at different points in your lives. Whatever it is, you leave the date and you’re not holding your breath until he texts you again. You’re not wistfully waiting until you see him again. You like him, he was nice, but there just wasn’t that electricity between the two of you. Now, you can give it time, see if that spark will grow, or you can throw in the towel.
It’s your relationship, so there is no right or wrong way to do things. To me, the most important thing to think about is, are you happy? If you enjoy spending time with this person, even if there is no instant spark, then continue to do so. If you’re not happy, and what they say or do bothers you or hurts your feelings, then get out of there. Don’t stay in a relationship that you aren’t happy in just because you don’t want to be alone or to start all over again. You could miss out on someone that does give you that instant chemistry if you’re with the wrong person, or you’re too scared to start all over after a bad breakup.
This dating stuff can be scary. I know, I had a date a while back where he talked about gravel for 20 minutes. No kidding, different types of gravel. Needless to say, there wasn’t a spark, and needless to say, we didn’t go out again. That was best for both of us. He needed someone who could comment on his detailed analysis of different types of gravel. I am not that girl. Now, did that horrible date stop me from dating for a while? No, it didn’t. I instead met someone right after who I really liked. Who I felt a spark with.
In my opinion, when you meet someone who is a good match for you, you know. You have that instant spark, and you want to spend your free time or not so free time with them. You find a way to make it work, no matter if it’s distance or schedules. So even if you haven’t found that person yet, even if you are going on spark-less dates, don’t give up. You’re putting yourself out there, you’re still trying, and your person could be right around the corner. The important thing to do is try. Try to meet new people, and give everyone a chance.