Advertisements

One Boring Relationship Please

I’ll take one boring relationship please. What does that even mean? Well, one thing I can tell you, is I don’t want to be bored in a relationship. That’s completely different from what I mean. Let me explain.

Everyone knows that exciting relationships are fun, and it’s great to go out on dates all the time that are fun and thrilling. I’ve gone on a few that are fun, but not every relationship can have you eat dinner at a country club, and party at a marina. Or go on a helicopter ride for the afternoon. That’s an exciting activity, and can make any date seem fun. What I’m looking for though, is something that will last. Since I’m not a celebrity, odds of me having those kind of dates every single day are very unlikely. So instead, since I live in the real world, where there are bills to pay and I don’t have a million dollars, I want a boring relationship.

I want a relationship where we can spend time together doing the most mundane boring things, like grocery shopping, and we make it fun. Or I’m sitting on my side of the couch, and he’s on his, and we are both reading or working on our computers, separately but still together. While I’d like to think that we will always have these extremely exciting moments in our lives, to me it’s more important that we have these quiet moments together. That’s what makes a relationship. That’s what keeps a relationship strong. If you can’t enjoy these quiet moments together, and the every day realities of life, then I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t meant to be. A relationship shouldn’t be about always entertaining each other, you should be able to work separately, in the same room and be content with that.

For so many, the idea of a relationship is doing these exciting dates together, while getting to know a person. Maybe they go hot air ballooning or go to a theme park. Don’t get me wrong, doing stuff like that is fun, and I think it should definitely be penciled in. But at the same time, just sitting together having a cup of coffee while you watch the sunrise can be fun and exciting, if you’re with the right person.

Now, all of that may not be the most exciting. Music and movies certainly tell us that we should be with the person that makes our hearts pound, and gives us that thrill and rush. In those movies, there’s also usually a car chase, or some explosion of some sort. Or you know, aliens attacking. With things like that romanticized, it’s easy to think that you need excitement in your relationship. But when you think about what you do every single day of your life. Your day to day experiences, they usually aren’t all that thrilling. You get up, go to work, and come home. Now maybe you do some pretty amazing things after work and on the weekends, but you can’t go mountain climbing every day. For those quiet days, and afternoons, think about what you want. Do you want a man who is climbing up your window just for the thrill of it? I don’t. I want the man that is by my side, while we watch a Netflix marathon of our favorite shows. Sure, it’s not the most exciting life. But it’s more likely what I’m going to do on a Friday night. I mean, it’s that or skydiving, and jumping out of perfectly good planes, not really my thing. It may not be good for you, but for me, a boring relationship sounds great.

One thing I’ve noticed, between my dating history and others, the relationships that tend to last the longest, are the boring ones. The ones where each party is happy doing their own thing at times, and enjoys spending time together, even if they’re just spending time at the house. Sometimes, that’s all you need in a relationship. If you’re in it just for the exciting dates, you should probably rethink your commitment to this person; odds are, you like the dates, but if you two had some quiet time together, would you be able to handle it? Would you be able to just go sit out under the stars, and have comfortable silence? Or would you get bored, because it’s not the person, it’s the activity? Think about it. I don’t want to get bored with my significant other because we aren’t doing something exciting for the day. I want every day with him to be an adventure, even if the most adventurous thing we do is go the Target for new towels.

Advertisements

Powerful Women

Women go through a lot. Each month, we are visited by Mother Nature, and forced to go about our lives, despite the fact that a large majority of women suffer through intense pain each month with that visitor. From there, when we don’t get the monthly visitor, we actually grow another human being in our bodies. That’s mind boggling in itself. My Little sister is pregnant right now, she just started her third trimester, and is handling her pregnancy beautifully. But I know, this is just the beginning. She is going to go through childbirth, and then raising her beautiful baby girl, and sending her off to school, and college, and becoming a grandmother. All from a baby bump in her stomach. Our bodies take a beating. Each month, we get an idea of what contractions feel like (thanks for that, because the bleeding part isn’t enough), and we just go about our business taking pain pills, and hogging the heating pad. I work with all guys, and I guarantee you that none of them even know when I’m dealing with that pain, because our society has trained me to just keep going. Sure, I’m in so much pain that I feel sick, or I literally don’t want to move. But they don’t know any of this, because I have to just keep going with my life. I mean, it’s a monthly event, I can’t take off work just for that pesky visitor I have. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting. By the end of the day, I’m so worn out, I want to just fall asleep on the couch, because I have no more energy left.

This is just a monthly thing. All over the world, women are sending their babies off into the world, and praying that they find their way and are able to catch those lofty dreams. Women sacrifice so much for their children. My mom gave up so much for me, just to make sure I was comfortable. And I know, when she had a bad cold, she didn’t want to take me to my ballet class, she just wanted to curl up and sleep; but she didn’t. Instead, she made dinner, and then drove me to ballet, where she then sat for an hour watching me and a bunch of other miniature ballerinas twirling around a dance floor. The sacrifices that she has made for me are numerous, and there is no way I can ever begin to repay her. When we were barely able to pay bills, she still managed to get me a beautiful prom dress that she shouldn’t have. But because it was my senior prom, she made it happen. She has put herself through physical and emotional pain to be there for me in ways that no one else would. That’s how powerful a mother’s love is. She will go through pain and suffering and not know how she’s going to pay the rent, and not mention a word of it to her child, because she wants that child to have a perfect life. She will put herself below her family, and even when she has absolutely no energy to move off the couch, the minute she hears “MOM!” she is up and running to her child, just to make sure everything is ok.

When you hurt, your mom hurts. She goes through every breakup with you, and her heart aches simply because yours does. She may have hated him, but she hurts over the fact he dumped you through a text because you’re hurting. She can’t stand the guy that led you on, and then disappeared without a word. Because he hurt her baby, and that hurts her. Women go through so much physical and emotional pain, and it’s a truly remarkable thing to think of all women go through for others, especially their children.

I want to have kids in the future, and I want to be able to be strong for them. I also don’t know how I will ever be half the mom that my mom is. Every setback is just a bump in the road, and every heartache is something that you push through for her. There are times when I want to cry just thinking about all she has had to go through, and how ungrateful I have been at times. And she never cares. Even when the one causing her pain is me, she continues to love me through it. I can’t imagine the kind of self sacrifice it takes to be a mom, and I only hope I can step up to the plate. I do know with this type of role model, I have a great guide to follow. And hopefully, with her guidance, and God’s trials, I will have the strength to follow through. To be the one jumping up and finding energy somehow when I’m physically feeling extremely weak. To be able to put my own thoughts and feelings aside, just for someone else. And to survive the heartbreak all over again, when my child gets hurt by someone.

Women go through a lot. Between the emotional struggles, the physical pain, and everything in between that life throws at them, women have to handle a lot. Women still have to fight for equality in the workplace, and even at the store. But, because of the strength we have been instilled with, we fight on. For our future children, for our future fellow women. As far as what I have seen, women are some of the strongest people, put in some of the tiniest bodies. Not someone to ever be underestimated.

I know it’s a week past Mother’s Day, but I wasn’t able to write about this then because I was spending valuable time with my role model, and best friend. I was trying to pay back my mom a little bit of what she gives me every single day. So this one is for you. To the strongest person I know.

Why I Remain The Perpetually Single Girl

I have been perpetually single my whole life. I date here and there, but it never seems to last long, or work out, and usually it’s me that feels it isn’t working out. That’s because I am a hopeless romantic at heart, and I have extremely high expectations. Now, maybe you’ll say I’m just picky or even that I have my expectations set too high. That’s your opinion and you’re welcome to it.

Now here’s my point of view. I don’t play games. I think playing hard to get is dumb, if I like you and you like me, I don’t see the point in playing games and hard to get, and acting like you’re not interested. If you act like you’re not interested, I’m not going to waste my time on you. You’re sending me signals that you don’t want anything more, and I’m going to respect that and protect my heart. I also don’t think it’s fair to string anyone along, so I try not to do it, and it just causes pain for the person being led on. I’ve been led on before, it’s not fun, especially if you’ve fallen for that person. It almost hurts worst than if they just acted uninterested or said they weren’t because then you didn’t have the false hope that it was going to work out. Instead, just say not interested, and then the interested party will have a chance to move on. But don’t talk about getting together all the time, or act like you’re interested if you’re just bored.

I am not the girl who will sleep with you on the first date. If that is all you’re interested in, then please move along and make way for someone who is actually interested in getting to know me. I value myself and my body more than to just give that away after one date. Sorry to disappoint, but I have a belief system that puts that on a high level, and it’s something that should be done with someone you love, not a random stranger. If you want that right away, you’ve found the wrong girl. That ended quite a few potential relationships for me, which is fine. I need someone who actually cares about me, not just getting in my pants. Again, those high standards kicking in.

I will continue living my life, and I want you to keep living yours too. I am not going to cancel my girls night outs just because you don’t want me getting drinks with my friends. Too bad, I have friends, not all of them are in relationships, and I’m not going to abandon them because you want me to. I don’t want you to cancel guy’s nights either. We are both adults in this relationship, which means there is a certain level of trust. I will trust you until you show me a reason not to. I need you to do the same and trust that I would never cheat on you. That means, I don’t want to have you texting me all night when I said I was out with my friends. Trust me that I’m out with my girlfriends just having a good time.

If I’m in a relationship with someone, I want to talk to them. Not all the time, and I understand life is hectic, and we can’t talk on the phone every day. That being said, I will lose my patience with you if you are constantly calling or texting. If I said I have to work, then I have to work. Don’t call me during work hours just to chat, that’s just going to piss me off. I respect your boundaries, you have to respect mine too.

Maybe I am too picky, maybe I expect too much of guys, I’m not sure which it is, and honestly I don’t care. That is who I am and how I feel, and I am not going to compromise myself or my beliefs just to be in a relationship. I tried that once, said it didn’t matter, and guess what, that relationship ended badly. I tried to compromise who I was, and say it didn’t matter, but it did, and whether he knew it or not, he could tell.

I don’t mind being single right now, because I am a hopeless romantic, and I believe the man who doesn’t play games, isn’t clingy or controlling, and just wants me for me is out there. I haven’t met him yet, or maybe I have and it just wasn’t meant to be then. Either way, I believe that I will find him, maybe not now, maybe in a week. And it’ll be great, because neither of us will compromise on anything. He will be able to be himself, and I will be able to be myself too. And that to me, is one of the most important parts. And until I find him, I’m not going to fall in the trap of attempting to find someone. When it’s meant to be, it will happen. I have faith in that.

Like Me

I like to be liked. I mean, who doesn’t? I’m a people person, people-pleaser and want to be liked by others. When I work somewhere, I want to befriend my coworkers and be liked. It certainly makes working a little bit easier if you and your coworkers can get along. Same thing with any other situation. When I joined my sorority, I wanted to make friends and be liked by my sisters. Unfortunately, as we all know with life, you can’t always be liked.

It’s a sad truth that not everyone will like you. It could be a coworker that just doesn’t like you, or it could be a sorority sister who just doesn’t get your personality. Whoever or whatever the reason, some people just don’t click. It doesn’t mean that you can’t work together and get along, but it does mean that you won’t be the best of friends. For me, that’s difficult. I’m very outgoing and like making friends, getting to know new people and learn different perspectives. I don’t always take it the best when someone doesn’t like me. I wonder what it is that is off-putting, and what I can do to change their minds. The simple fact is, there’s nothing I can do to change how they feel about me, and honestly, I don’t want to.

I will not apologize for being myself, and I won’t change just to make you like me. I learned the hard way, with past “friends” that it’s not worth changing who I am just to fit in. Hiding myself, is bad for me, and if you don’t like me, that is not my problem. I try to get along with everyone, and if you don’t like my sense of humor, or my personality, then that’s too bad. I will not change who I am just to fit who you want me to be. I am me, and that is that.
Not everyone is going to like you. It’s a hard truth, but it’s a fact of life. Staying true to yourself is the most important thing you can do. No one can be a better you. That’s all you, and if people don’t like you, that’s on them not you. Don’t change the way you act, or talk, it’s not worth it. Some personalities just don’t mesh well, and that’s ok.

I have a great group of friends who love me for me. They love my clutsy self who is Disney-obsessed and would rather stay in than go out. Others may not understand that, or like me for those traits, and even though it’s hard to accept it, I encourage you to do the same. Embrace who you are, and just accept that not everyone will love you for you. Who cares if someone likes you? As long as you like yourself, that’s all that matters.
This song, Try by Colbie Caillat, is a great example of just being true to yourself. Have a listen, and just be yourself. As long as you like yourself, that’s all that matters.

%d bloggers like this: