Friendships Before Relationships

Hey y’all. So some recent events in my life have brought about the importance of friendships versus relationships. I recently read a great article that was about being best friends with your significant other. After a bit of a crazy week, I could not agree more with this statement. I started thinking about my past two relationships, and neither of them really started as a friendship, and to be honest, it didn’t end with that either. We are now acquaintances who will say exchange formalities when we see each other, and that’s pretty much it.

Now, if you know me at all,  you know that I am a very outgoing person, and I love staying in touch with people. So losing friends or relationships hits me pretty hard. However, what I’ve noticed from my past two relationships is that it actually wasn’t all that hard to fall out of touch with these guys. I guess that’s because our relationship wasn’t built on a solid friendship first. To get right down to it, we just didn’t have all that much in common with one another. And while I did enjoy spending time with them, it was hard to do so when we had nothing to talk about. We didn’t even like the same type of movies or books! And when the other would try to show an interest in a show or movie the other one liked, it usually just ended with us wondering how the other could possibly like that show. For example, I tried to watch Game of Thrones because my ex liked it. All I have to say about that show is that it is really gory and all about death. I’m more of a happy ending type of girl, so I couldn’t really get into the show. Of course there is so much more to making a relationship work, but it’s pretty hard without things in common. So ultimately they ended, and I was back in the dating pool.

Last week though, I came to the realization about our relationships not working due to lacking friendships. And that then got me thinking about some guy friends I’ve had in the past. One of my best guy friends has been there for me for years, and I don’t know what I would do if I lost him, even though we don’t talk all the time, I know he’ll be there for me. And I sure hope he knows the same goes for me being there for him. Anyways, that got me thinking about those friendships I had, and then lost because of “feelings.” Those things can really hurt a friendship if they’re one-sided. Which, unfortunately for me, was what happened. I really liked this one guy in college, and he and I would talk every day. At first, I didn’t like him as anything more than a friend. And then things started changing the more we talked and got to know each other. Soon, we were texting every day. After a few months, I opted to tell him how I felt. Due to some really bad timing of things, it was deemed that nothing more could possibly work out. Now, here’s the sucky part, things got awkward. Because I felt, at the time, that possibly having a relationship would be more important than a great friendship, I lost my friend. We occasionally talk to each other about life, and thanks to Facebook, I remember to write happy birthday, but that’s pretty much the whole of our interaction. After having some amazing things happen in my life that I was really waiting on, he was one of the first people I wanted to tell, but oh wait, we aren’t really speaking. If I could go back and change things, I would keep my thoughts to myself and would have never said anything. I have learned the hard way, friendships are so much better than relationships. I’d much rather have him to talk to, then have it turn out the way it did. What would have been even worse is if he had become added to the list of exes.

The point of this, is to remind you to cherish your friendships. Life is crazy, and those friends that become like family are the most important things to you. Now, going back to friendship in relationships, I’m not saying that I’m never going to be in a relationship again, I’m just going to really evaluate our friendship and make sure that the next one can withstand a relationship. A good friend of mine is best friends with her boyfriend, and they make it work. But they also put a lot of groundwork into it first, and while it took some time (and I know she would’ve preferred things to move a little faster) now they are super happy and have managed to make things work out. I am a strong believer in the idea of God’s plan, and the idea that if something is meant to be, then it will work out. God has His own timing, and it doesn’t always mesh with ours. Because of this, I’ve learned to take things slow, even when I want to speed them up by saying something. If a great friendship is meant to turn into something more, then it will. Otherwise, you may just end up losing a great friend.

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